October 26th is my Thirty-Fourth Birthday.

I have this thing about birthdays. They are always such an emotional time for me. I take my time analyzing what went right and wrong. Frankly, they become a bit overwhelming for me altogether.

Age Twenty-Five was a milestone. But it wasn’t until Twenty-Six that I felt real responsibility. Between a relationship, supporting me, my family and anyone else that claimed they needed it. I took on too much.

At Twenty-Seven, the only man who I have ever respected and admired passed away (my grandfather).

At Twenty-Eight, I met the man who is now my ex-husband.

At Twenty-Nine, I was excited about starting my own family and what my thirties would bring.

At Thirty, I buried my mother at the age of Fifty-Five.

At Thirty-One I was married and at Thirty-Two I had filed for divorce.

They call Thirty-Three the “Jesus Year”.

It is called the “Jesus Year”, due to the on purpose nature of things accomplished in this time. There weren’t carelessness to his acts. He was full of knowledge, wisdom and preparation. He knew how to act appropriately when needed, he used the right language to be effective. He showed restraint as necessary, only because he was intent on walking the path he had before him.He had faith. There was purpose in all he was doing.

The start of my Thirty-Third year was miserable. I was alone. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be somewhere else or someone else. All I could crave was change. Some would say I had little faith. As I look back, I was meant to be alone. I was meant to reflect on who I was. This was time to make connections with people who will become even more important than you could imagine. It was time to reconnect with people you never expected to see again in this lifetime. Rejection was part of my learnings; confusion too. Every part of it was necessary, and the anxiety that came from it. Heartbreak was on purpose, because it was meant to teach me what I really want, and not to settle for what was good for now. It proved to me what I had inside me all along, and to stop second guessing myself. I met the person I was supposed to be all along and it felt good. I met ME.

If someone would have told me a year ago that there was light at the end of the tunnel, I would have laughed at them. Who were they kidding? It wouldn’t have even mattered if they had said they saw it with their own eyes. And you know what, I was never going to see that light until I got out of my own way and removed all of those obstacles that stop you from being happy.

Because— you are more vulnerable when you’re happy. You’re also more willing to take risks. You’re more willing to get your life back.

And I guess thats it isn’t it?

Every now and again its good to get a kick in the ass (even if it’s for an entire year) to remind you that you’re worth it.

Happy Thirty-Fourth Birthday to ME.