The In-Between

There are some days when the overwhelming feeling of not having someone next to you takes on new meaning.


The feeling occurs as you watch a show on TV, a song on your iPod or maybe even the way someone says that certain phrase, word... it captures your emotions and your heart.


Over coffee and conversation today, I reminded a co-worker of mine that I was okay with not getting married again, or not even having children.  He asked me why I felt that way, to which I replied that I've resigned myself to believing that it may just never happen for me.  Some might say I've given up.  Other may even say that I'm playing conservatively.  Frankly, I think I'm just playing the In-Between.


For me, the In-Between is that space that really has dreams, wants, desires or needs to be fulfilled- but is too apprehensive; or even indifferent to really acquire them- so we play house.  No commitments, no implied feelings- a safe way to not feel the hurt as bad, because you assume it's inevitable.  You get the opportunity to feel, but enough withdrawl to prevent the damage, you hope.


The best comparison I can make to this state of mind is how people might feel when they get their hopes up, then nothing happens.  Or, when something wonderful is happening, you go into numb mode because even though you are ecstatic inside the thought of disappointment is unbearable.  You would rather go it solo, though you wish you weren't alone.


Although I might be writing this in an inquisitive mood, I'm fully aware of what's going on.  I'm setting myself up to accept the worst, just as my life is making a curve jump during this very important week.


Tonight, this quote turned up rather appropriately--


“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.” --Marilyn Ferguson


And with that, I wish you Good Night.