Everyone has one. The person you reminisce about when you think of love, partnership or the ideal mate. It isn't rare for you not to speak of them fondly, and some crazy circumstance usually is the reason why they got away. Let me list a few for you:
- They moved
- They found someone else
- They were convinced by YOU that it would never happen
Ok, so while I could only think of these three instances, it didn't have to end that way. Chances are that if you would have opened your mouth a little sooner with the TRUTH, they would have been the one that STAYED.
Once a week, I meet with my "Relationship Guru". He is not a therapist. He is not a psychic. He is a simple man who throughout the course of his life has attempted to give and receive love in a multitude of ways. He can begin with a grade school girlfriend at 13 all the way to today, and relive with me every single episode, every single woman, every heartache and now how he finally accepted the love in his life.
We meet more for conversation than anything else. I find his stories fascinating- and no lie, they are generally told over beer and appetizers.
We also meet because I realize that no matter how much I believe to know about men, I am HORRIBLE at relationships. So, he's my coach.
I've shared with him all of my substantial loves from my teenage years to now- painstakingly going over what/why/where something went wrong. The funny part is that as he hears my account of it he always points out to me just where I should have "seen it".
Seen what? -- I always ask him this.
I should have seen how someone really, really liked me-- Unconditionally. But *I* made it hard.
Do you know how crazy it is to hear that? I mean all my Guru is hearing all of this in a one sided account--- And, I might be romanticizing a few things-- BUT there are always a few things he picks up on that makes him stop and say, "didn't you see that?"
Fuck.
So, as we have chronicled my love life- all the way from my first junior high crush to the very complicated state of now, we have been able to timeline each person with a label. Yes, I have run the gammet with the variety of men I've dated. And as he is quick to point out- an Equal Opportunity Partner. Good lord.
But right now, after I discussed with him one of my relationships also known as TOTGA (The One That Got Away) in 2002-ish, he is noticing the same actions coming through almost 10 years later. Do I have a pattern?
Without him, I would have never realized some of the signs that I was guilty of THEN and NOW-- not only that, but men usually send the same signs even though they have drastically different personalities.
He asked me, "Do you want to have another one that gets away?".
Seriously? How does this happen...
But why did that even happen in the first place? Why did someone get away? What did happen to make things so weird?
In the beginning, I mentioned the reasons why people leave-- the real reason is that YOU (or them, I suppose) didn't have the courage to make it work-- and by the time you found your courage it was too late.
While I'm not sure whether or not his tactical advice will work, I know that he has helped me realize that when you have something special with someone--YOU can control your very own destiny in its outcome. If you choose not to pursue something when it's there, don't expect it to still be there when you finally want it. BUT, if it TRULY means something to the both of you-- and you will see this (well, I will now...) then GO FOR IT. Don't hesitate. Fuck getting hurt. Stop waiting for the right time. Just do it.
You may have read my recent Twitter update below:
No comments:
Post a Comment