“You cannot choose your calling. Your calling chooses you” -Og Mandino

At the present, there is a lot on my mind.


If I didn’t know better, I would say that things are going exactly to plan. Honestly, that makes me a little nervous.


Change is great. It’s needed. It ensures you can have a new challenge or create a new you. Change is the Phoenix that rises.


Change also makes you uncomfortable. It makes you question yourself. Not in what you know and what you are confident in, but what you are actually doing and what you’re hiding behind.


Yes. I said hiding.


I know what I’m hiding behind. Those who know me personally know exactly what I’m talking about. While I’m not sure whether or not I will ever actually verbally admit it, I am sure that it’s staring me right in the face.


I hide behind it all the time. It’s the reason why I may never really find love. It’s the reason why I may never have the confidence to take that risk. It’s my very own safety blanket.


Here’s the kicker though.


When something is meant to be, it shows up. And no matter how ill prepared you are, you cannot make enough excuses to tell it to go away.


You can try to avoid it. You can attempt to ignore it. But when it shows up, it shows up. It’s called your calling. And it will reoccur until you do something about it.
About five different times in my life have some extraordinary things occurred that forced me to wake up. Every experience has been ignited by drastic change that I enacted on purpose. And the event or “calling” has been the tsunami that comes along with the move.


Interestingly enough, I have dodged every bullet. I ignored the request. I’ve made excuses as to why. But now, maybe it has to do with my age or something…I can’t avoid this anymore.


Whether you like it or not, whatever is meant for you is bound to make its way into your life.

The Simple Life

This past Thursday, I returned back from my travels with a renewed sense of what I had to accomplish in the next few months.


It was good to get away for a bit- quick, and never with its share of drama.  Every time I go away it only reinforces the feelings that were there before regarding my move and life changes.


The thing about this time is that in my readiness for the future- I want to go to the most minimal stage.  Like, bare bones, just what I need, no bells or whistles-- just the basics.


I'm planning for my friends to assist me in selling my designer purses.  All of my clothes will be sold or given to charity.  My televisions, and other misc. items can be sold or given away.  I really just want my bed-- and maybe my wine fridge.


Seven or so years ago- I had little belongings.  Maybe an old couch that someone had left with me, and a bed, which was bought for a mere $100.  I hadn't a pot, coffee maker, or really anything home-like to my name.  My feeling was that if I ever needed to move onward, that I was mobile enough to get up and go.


When I started buying things was when I believed my life was beginning.  What kind of thought was that?  Metaphorically, by looking at the lack thereof, couldn't anyone see that I hadn't even focused on me and my own life?  By some stretch of the imagination, my life was still in boxes!  Perhaps I was just waiting for life to find me.


The "cleansing" period that I am in feels like layers of whatever I had believed to be important before are finally being released in their toxicity.  Not only ridding myself of unnecessary things, but starting new.  I'm not afraid of it, rather I relish in it.  I want it to happen.  I feel like all of these "things" that were made important because you needed them to prove you had a "life" was just another way to spend my money to prove what?  That I had something?  But where was I?  It's like there was a party and I wasn't invited.


Monday, on a phone call to my best friend- we talked about a metamorphosis.  Indeed this next nine months will be just that.  I've never been much into butterflies- or their symbolism, but perhaps that idea is appropriate for now.  I want to shed everything.  Clean-- just be clean of it all.  I want to start over.


Yet, we must remember that life is not with it's sense of irony, and it's when we make a decision that we have to fight for what we want.


When I visited my doctor this week- I asked her if she could prescribe that.  She said she could prescribe something else at a higher dosage-- should of taken her up on that.


Here's to a simpler life.