Just the other day, someone had asked me a little about my family, my most recent aspirations and dreams.
It's funny because the normal answer to all of those questions as "small talk" tends to be something like-- "Oh yeah, my family is close by... we see each other every holiday. I go over on Sundays, my mom makes me dinner."
That is SO FAR from my truth. Here is an example of what my conversation usually looks like.
Them: "So do you have any family close by?"
Me: "Umm... No. In fact, I have no family- just me."
Them: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, I'm an only child-- and my mom passed away three years ago."
Them: "Oh wow, I'm sorry- do you have children, husband?"
Me: "Not exactly. I got rid of my husband, and children just aren't my cup of tea."
**Insert anxiety here**
Them: "Oh, that's too bad. You're not lonely are you?"
GEEZUS!
No thank you! I am NOT lonely. I'd rather be alone than to be with an idiot. And kids, well-- maybe it was due to being an only child, but being around other children, seeing other children, and thinking about other children makes me search for my happy place.
What if kids just came out grown up? Like at the age of thirteen or something, hell-- Just old enough for me to sort of reason with them.
And about being with an idiot. Don't get me wrong. My ex-husband was good for a few things, one being killing bugs, another being fetching me a drink and lastly well-- I'm reaching now.
As for my family, I DO miss them. I miss my grandparents who raised me. I miss my mom because she was just crazy. It is a little weird being the last of your immediate family, so what are you left to do? You are left to make your own.
I have several "brothers", and "sisters". There are surrogate "mothers" and "fathers". They are the folks to continue to keep me sane in this craziness called life.
Overall, the life that keeps me going is filled with colorful people, activities and rarely a dull moment. It is a rare occurrence that I feel bored or lost for something to do.
However from time to time, there are moments where companionship is missed. There are moments where my thoughts linger on the thought that it could be like this for awhile-- just me, looking for something I could see myself living with.
But the idiot and the kids I can really live without.
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