Living Like You Knew You Were Dying

Sounds like a good topic doesn't it?  It absolutely is, and frankly has pushed me into thinking about "five year type" planning again.


The conversation started simply-- a question my friend posed to me as we walked around Union Square in NYC.  


If you knew when you were dying what would you do differently?


The question can easily turn into things like timing.  So what if you knew you only had until forty-five?  Then what choices would you have made?  Would you have married "X" vs "Y"? Would you have told that one special person you loved them?  Would you have had more children?  Maybe taken that skydive out of that plane?


This topic is not in it's morbidity-- I mean timing is not infinite and we always talk about "Carpe Diem".  But do we really "seize the day" and live with the same amount of vigor we had a children when we wished that we would get older and wiser-- when we wished we could drink a beer, light a cigarette or buy porn faster.


Now imagine if you will, me sitting here in NY- humid as ever and drinking an ice cold Anchor Steam beer.  It's heaven let me tell you.  Today had a breeze, but no doubt was still hot and moist. And after making a quick stop at a book store to refresh ourselves- the question remained in my mind as we rode back on the subway to this apartment.  Perhaps if I lived life like I was dying at thirty-five, then what more would I be compelled to do- or would that nagging little voice in my head tell me to be careful or otherwise... something "might" happen.  


The thing is- you never know until you try. 


From time to time I think about my twenties--fearless was my perception.  Naive- probably the perception of others.  But I had moxie.  I had drive.  Where did it go-- and now that I've given myself until thirty-five, will it provide me with the kick in the ass to get me moving along?


Now I'm in the planning stages.  I'll keep you posted.  The biggest fear I have is losing what I am accustomed to today.  But if I'm not really living to my fullest, does it really matter anyway?  


Now, for those of you who do read my thoughts regularly-- this would seem to be a contradiction of my previous post called "Turning Point".  I reference not having a plan or rather having a plan that makes sense for me.  I still believe that point applies today, only if you enact on it.  Nothing will move forward without some sort of inertia.  


And lastly, is this quote to chew on.  Thought it would be appropriate given the topic-- 


“Do stuff. Be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration’s shove or society’s kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It’s all about paying attention. Attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. Stay eager.”

—	Susan Sontag