Recently, I've come to the understanding of why people need other people. Sounds so weird, I know-- but bear with me. It has never been a luxury for me to have a lot of family. From my previous posts, you probably understand my situation. If not, then read this post to catch up, and the rest of this will make sense.
This past week was a funeral for my Uncle (my Grandpa's brother), who had to have been like ninety-something. Anyhow, with me being the last of the family line-- there is an expectation that I will attend any funeral-wedding-baptism-birthday party of the living Aunts/Uncles, etc. I wish that it could be so easy, but alas- it never really is.
Though I didn't attend the funeral, but sent flowers instead. It always kills me because I'm the last of that family tree-- alone. Period.
"Miss, how would you like us to sign the card?--Your name only?"
I never do that-- instead I sign posthumously under my Grandpa's name. Its impossible to bear the idea of being solo. So, I place myself in the company of all the family that once there was.
Most people when they feel lost WANT to be close to family and home. My issue with that is who and where is my home? Who are the people who are my family? Then I started thinking again.
When things got tough the choice to move close to my friends was an easy one; I needed them. Recalling each instance over the last umpteen years, revealed where my patterns were.
Safe; was what I was looking for. I've lived my life so unsafe-like that any stability found was golden. My friends were always surrogates for the family I never had. And still today, as I near my thirty-fourth birthday, I'm still looking for "safe".
Safe; was what I was looking for. I've lived my life so unsafe-like that any stability found was golden. My friends were always surrogates for the family I never had. And still today, as I near my thirty-fourth birthday, I'm still looking for "safe".
The definition of safe is as follows:
Safe
Free from harm, injury, or risk; untouched or unthreatened by danger or injury; unharmed; unhurt; secure; whole; as, safe from disease; safe from storms; safe from foes.
Conferring safety; securing from harm; not exposing to danger; confining securely; to be relied upon; not dangerous; as, a safe harbor; a safe bridge, etc.
Incapable of doing harm; no longer dangerous; in secure care or custody; as, the prisoner is safe.
A place for keeping things in safety.
A strong and fireproof receptacle (as a movable chest of steel, etc., or a closet or vault of brickwork) for containing money, valuable papers, or the like.
A ventilated or refrigerated chest or closet for securing provisions from noxious animals or insects.
To render safe; to make right.
Free from harm, injury, or risk; untouched or unthreatened by danger or injury; unharmed; unhurt; secure; whole; as, safe from disease; safe from storms; safe from foes.
Conferring safety; securing from harm; not exposing to danger; confining securely; to be relied upon; not dangerous; as, a safe harbor; a safe bridge, etc.
Incapable of doing harm; no longer dangerous; in secure care or custody; as, the prisoner is safe.
A place for keeping things in safety.
A strong and fireproof receptacle (as a movable chest of steel, etc., or a closet or vault of brickwork) for containing money, valuable papers, or the like.
A ventilated or refrigerated chest or closet for securing provisions from noxious animals or insects.
To render safe; to make right.
You can't buy safety, in case you didn't know that. Sure you can buy a gun or maybe take martial arts to protect you, but no amount of training or ammunition can make you safe. Safe is something one needs to find within one's self.
Wish me luck with that.
Wish me luck with that.
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